The Sky Annual General Meeting
And it happened…
that Dirk Paulsen, as he puts it, to provide the only really appropriate, but by no means recognized as such, job title “professional gambler”, privately received an invitation to the annual general meeting of Sky Germany.
Now he is not only this “professional gambler” specializing in “soccer betting”, but has largely ignored almost the rest of the world by learning and practicing this profession. Politically completely uneducated, general knowledge at elementary school level, history and the present do not challenge him. He lives in his own world, you could say? Well, he keeps in touch with the environment by playing chess and not only has some recognition but quite a few successes in the local – Berlin – area. There is hardly a tournament where he is not right at the front. But this doesn’t change anything about the “Unworldly” for a long time, maybe even contributes to it?
Now he is nevertheless equipped with a pronounced need to communicate and, although a supporter and advocate of Brecht’s ladder – speech-write-silence – at the same time a representative of the guild “I’m sorry, I didn’t have time to be brief”. His overconfidence, which is hardly underrepresented in this country, is also one of his character traits. Say, “One of those my mother used to warn me about.”
The quality “I don’t know anything about anything, but I always give my two cents” has the one side effect that he hadn’t the slightest idea what to expect at such an event because, logically, he hadn’t visited one before, one would almost be inclined to call it a “visitation”…
The surprise may have been limited, but in any case there were a bunch of shareholders in the room, all somehow “involved” in the overall company, and at the same time all the board members were probably present. A few visions of the future were presented, optimism was spread, friendly young ladies offered a few appetizers outside and the obligatory champagne glasses, often half filled so that there was still room for the orange juice and at the same time helped to hide the true content in a playful way, after all you had to yes, as a shareholder, to be kept in the best possible mood.
At some point, a few people dared to take the microphone, who had obviously also asked for the right to speak as shareholders. Most of them were experienced speakers, who were immediately allowed to do this every second Thursday. They were probably already known to the public as a rule, as one could observe from some small things.
This in no way stopped the self-proclaimed “good speaker” Dirk Paulsen from putting himself on the list of speakers. Sure, one would say, if you are speaking in front of a large audience for the first time, then a certain amount of preparation, a kind of concept, a few notes, a kind of topic narrowing down in advance might be helpful? Not so with his strong self-confidence. Up front to the desk and talk whatever comes to mind, that’s how he started.
Now it was perhaps a little surprising that he was able to reach the audience. There were no murmurs or interruptions, specially chosen, triggered by a lack of concept, or staged by the audience because they didn’t grasp the topic or simply got tired of the babble. No, on the contrary, it seemed as if the words fell on fertile ground much more easily, met with open ears, that the attention was higher, even partly than with some of the previous speakers.
Now it is conceivable that this was due to the unplanned structure of the speech. Or also because you had never heard such a muddlehead and were rather amazed that someone you had never seen before suddenly took the risk? In any case, apart from the description of the situation made in this way, there were actually contents of the speech.
In order not to let it get too far: it was mainly about the gold mine that the broadcaster Sky had bagged with the acquisition of the football rights, in which a number of huge nuggets could actually be digged, but did not know what to do with them, so decided accordingly , to paint them to eggs, to try to sell the same high-priced and as much too small and lazy with a market mumble – who has the opposite characteristics of a market crier – and is surprised that no one grabs.
Now this would be expressed a bit exaggeratedly plastically, but would come closest to the effort to explain the content. Football is the station’s driving force, is that how you might put it? The draft horse must be well fed, but this is exactly where the problem lies. That’s roughly the tenor of the speech.
This seemed to grab attention at first and keep it up. Why not just continue? As Johann König likes to put it during his performances and is visible to everyone, rubbing his hands after a successful joke that provokes laughter: “Yes, it works.”
Accordingly, the arc was stretched a little further, all of which would be disadvantageous for the sale of the nuggets. Repainting them would be something like this: “Bad pass festival.” Here the best play against the best and he can’t think of anything better than to chalk them up to a “Festival of bad passes”? Werder against Stuttgart, HSV against Cologne, Bayern against Schalke, Hoffenheim against Frankfurt, it doesn’t matter who plays there, there is nothing better here. If a bad pass was actually played, it was because the ball-carrying player was put under pressure – by the way, the coach of the opposing team planned it that way – and because the teammates of the person putting the pressure on blocked the pass stations. This may result in a bad pass, but by no means a shoe. Because: the opponents did well, “forced” the loss of the ball. However, this was not recognized by the speaker. You have to be an expert – and such people are not hired as a matter of principle. At least if they were set, they manage to hide it relatively clumsily.
If you briefly mention that the ingenious pun of “compressed boredom” makes the rounds often enough – and through all the pairings mentioned — then the nuggets are already badly discolored and are gradually getting the putrid smell. Who, please, would like to see a bad pass festival of the “compressed boredom” type? No, Sky go home, that’s all you could say. Because: in England the concept works for one reason: if a smaller and less beautiful nugget were discovered, then on the island they would still have the coloring material to sell it as shiny. “At least, you could see what he was trying to do.” You could see the good intentions – as the harshest permitted criticism of a game scene.
Be that as it may: the eavesdroppers seemed pricked and only a skilful, up-to-date change of direction on the topic – in which one could have brought up a few more weak points – and the perceived exhaustion of the maximum allotted speaking time could unfortunately slow Dirk Paulsen down. But the feeling told him: they want to hear more about it. Otherwise, why would it remain so quiet in the very well-filled hall? Even the looks gave it away: we haven’t heard that before, but it sounds like an idea.
Above all, the choice of sound option was recommended to the listeners for Champions League games, in which the commentary in the home language of the organizing club was available on each channel in the individual option. You could comment in Finnish, French, Ukrainian or Spanish, even in Swiss, so at least halfway in German, or in English, because you should theoretically understand everything there – if you had paid close attention in school. However, all of these comments would make one thing clear: no matter what the man says, he puts his heart and passion into it, a kind of barker who wants to get even more for his huge nuggets than the list price. You have to look here, you have to stay here, there is something to see here, there is excitement and entertainment here, the big show is here, no one should be missing here. It would be worth selecting this sound option on such a channel, so the recommendation – all of a sudden this football would still be fun even if you don’t understand a word – simply because of the atmosphere conveyed, because of the recognizably feverish tone of voice, because of the audible gigantic Tension, which the speaker feels and does not hide from it in the slightest, on the contrary, maybe even spices it up here and there on purpose, but at the same time spices it up a little for the listener’s bright friend?
Again, despite the feeling that the audience hadn’t heard enough of it and somehow wanted to hear more, the speech was eventually cut short. Speaking time or short-term topic of conversation ran out due to the intuitively unavailable option to change the subject. Nevertheless: somehow the audience had taken something in and accepted it.
When all the speakers had finished, there was an emotionless comment from a selected board member on each one, in the case of Dr. Holger Ensslin. He dismissed more or less every individually raised objection in short words. In the course of this, the following was also learned about Dirk Paulsen’s statements: “Opinion research institutes have determined that somewhat more distanced reporting is desired in Germany.”
That was it then. A few well-chosen words – and thrown off. One insists on the recoloring of the nuggets. “Distanced” is “bad pass festival” or “compressed boredom”? Emotionless dismissal of the lecture, the idea for improvement, which was obviously based on the upgrading of the quality of reporting. Exactly how the individual actions are dismissed. “He’s more likely to have to shoot.” Or “he overlooks the better-placed teammate who ran with him” or “he has to make more of it” or then “collective deep sleep in the back team” when the ball does hit. Is that what you call “distant”? If only it were true every once in a while…
Obviously, however, the problem was recognized and a radical stop was put in place. Because the only noticeable consequence of the appearance – Sky has simply deleted the sound option of the local speaker for the upcoming new season! What Paulsen suggested to the auditorium no longer exists!
Now you can think about this effect: of course there is the possibility of “personal punishment”. The man doesn’t agree with what we’re doing here? What’s more, he seems to like the way things are done elsewhere? Punishment is needed! Away with the option!
Alternatively, one could also speculate whether perhaps the danger was actually recognized that things are better somewhere else? Perhaps more people will come up with the idea that something urgently needs to be done? Perhaps the suggestion would be followed and a few tried it and confirmed the observation? “Somewhere else you don’t even have to understand what the speaker is saying, it’s also so much fun.” Perhaps the crucial possibility is this: the board members have tried something they had never done before and would not have done: “How do you do it because somewhere else?” When they realized that Paulsen was right with his observation—cancelled, away with it. Containing the admission: we’re never that good at this?
Now one could the statements of the Dr. Dissect Enßlin further: which opinion research institutes were they? Which questionnaires were submitted, which surveys took place? The very boldly represented view here is this: there never were such surveys. This is football. This is so big, why are we still polling what people want to hear or see? At least that is the extremely questionable approach.
Now, however, one would be convicted: if one had to pretend an untruth in order to smash a more than reasonable argument, then this would ultimately have to give one food for thought? Not with Sky, of course, because the prerequisites for this are probably missing. Think? I heard that… but do it yourself?